Thoughts

I hear through the grapevine that there are a couple of people who check in on this blog from time to time, so I will share with you some of what is going through my brain and heart these days. Besides, sometimes it seems like I need to get the thoughts that are rattling around in my brain down on paper- if only so I can play them back to myself and try to make some sense of them.

Through reading Compassion: Reflection on the Christian Life by Henri Nouwen, Donald McNell, and Douglass Morrison, and through my study of 1 Peter for our small group bible study and listening to sermon's preached at Covenant Life Church by Joshua Harris and Robin Boisvert, a theme has begun to emerge. Whenever that happens, I try to pay attention; I believe God speaks to my heart in such themes.

From the 5/2/2010 sermon "The Hope/Holiness Connection" by Joshua Harris:
"Holiness is important, but the pursuit of holiness must be fueled by the knowledge that we have been ransomed. We must pursue holiness knowing that we have been ransomed. Our hope can not be in our pursuit of holiness, we must pursue holiness knowing that we have been ransomed by God with the precious blood of Jesus Christ."

From Compassion: Reflection on the Christian Life:
" In a society that is so keen on new encounters, so eager for new events, and so hungry for new experiences, it is difficult not to be seduced into impatient activism. Often we are hardly aware of this seduction, especially since what we are doing is so obviously 'good and religious.' But even setting up a relief program, feeding the hungry, and assisting the sick could be more an expression of our own needs then of God's call....It is important to remain critical of our own activist tendencies. When our own needs begin to dominate our actions, long range service becomes difficult and we soon become exhausted, burned out, and even embittered by our efforts.
The most important resource for counteracting the constant temptation to slip into activism is the knowledge that in Christ everything has been accomplished...
As long as we continue to act as if the salvation of the world depends on us, we lack the faith by which mountains can be moved. In Christ, human suffering and pain have already been accepted and suffered; in Him our broken humanity has been reconciled and led into the intimacy of the relationship within the Trinity. Our action, therefore, must be understood as a discipline by which we make visible what has already been accomplished. Such action is based on the faith that we walk on solid ground even when we are surrounded by chaos, confusion, violence, and hatred."


So - this is what I am hearing: The life I live - my pursuit of holiness, my vocation, my desire to stand up against injustice in the world, my desire to serve the poor and hurting, - Must be motivated and fueled by my knowledge of and complete confidence in what Christ has already accomplished. If I begin to think that I am the one making a difference I will become exhausted, burned-out, cynical, or worse - prideful (Proverbs 16:18 says "pride goeth before a fall"). Only what Christ has already accomplished, only the victory that He has already secured on the cross, can and will stand. Do I have that kind of confidence and faith? Am I secure in and do I find my hope in Christ and Christ alone? Or am I primarily concerned with being liked, accepted, praised, or rewarded? Only by knowing and trusting in God through His son Jesus and through ingesting His Word and allowing the Holy Spirit to make it a part of who I am can I begin to allow Him to work in and through my life. I pray that I can know Him, love him, and trust Him more and more so that in some small way something in my life might make visible to someone what Christ has already accomplished.

Lessons on Life and Faith I am Learning from My Swimming Pool

My pool is probably as clear as it has ever been, and it has basically looked this way since Saturday. However, it has been consuming chlorine at an exorbitant rate making it difficult to keep it balanced and clean. You see, despite the clear appearance, apparently when the pool was closed last season there were some unseen contaminants - contaminants that looking back I had warning signs of but stubbornly chose to ignore. Despite a healthy dose of sanitizing chemicals added to the water before shutting everything down and covering it up for the winter, those unseen contaminants were able to happily munch on the sanitizer and the stabilizer leaving behind a pile-up of invisible waste products that just love to eat up the chlorine. I keep adding chlorine and it keeps disappearing. I have finally begun to get ahead and am beginning to be able to keep the chlorine level high enough to destroy the contaminants and their nasty waste. But, it has taken frequent testing and adjusting (every hour or so for 3 days) and more chlorine (in the form of bleach) then you would ever begin to imagine. And now that we are getting everything where it needs to be, all it will require is simple daily testing and incremental adjusting to keep it in the condition it needs to be in.

So, my life lesson? When my heart gets dark and dirty I may be able to keep up appearances on the outside but all the while on the inside the contamination grows and produces an unclean and out of balance life. The only remedy at that point is to soak myself with the presence of God and His grace through constant exposure to His Word, His Son, His Holy Spirit - diligently asking Him to show me the dirty, impure areas and asking Him to purify my heart and to balance my life with His grace. Then, I need to enter into His presence daily, continuing to seek His purifying grace and seeking to align my life with His plan. His grace is new every morning and is the only thing that truly satisfies.

Wow, almost a full year since my last post!

A whole year since my last post! A feeling that I began to experience about a month ago is beginning to get stronger and stronger: I am falling in love with this place. Not sure how or why or what it will all bring, but yes, I am falling in love with Kansas! I was driving about 40 miles southwest of home today to see a patient and the feeling I had as I viewed the wind dancing in the fields of amber topped wheat was glorious! And I noticed about a month ago when I was driving about 50 miles northwest of home for my foot clinic day in Hutchinson, that I found myself thinking "this place really is beautiful". I love seeing far into the distance across the prairie or the farmland, with the big sky spread all around. So that's the landscape. But what is really grabbing my heart are the wonderful relationships we are building. The beauty I am seeing in the landscape around me pales in comparison to the beauty of casual friendships growing into rich, deep relationships. I am once again reminded of the sage advice given to me by a dearly respected co-worker (who had also moved several times) when we moved from NJ to Georgia: "Andrea, I can't think of any of those friends I wouldn't have wanted to make." So, while I sometimes bemoan the fact that I don't have many life long friends, I cherish the seasoning that having cherished friends in 6 "homes" gives to my life and I find myself heartily agreeing with that dear friend. And I am thankful that God is placing a dear love for this newest home deep into my heart and soul. I wonder what His plans are?